What's Within You?

Last night we were doing a family bedtime devotional with the kids and somehow got on the topic of how you can use what God has given you to serve Him. Our 8-year-old suddenly blurts out, “I know EXACTLY what I am going to do when I grow up!” “Really?” we ask. “Yes,” he says, “I am going to become a builder so that I can go to Jerusalem and rebuild the temple! Because God says the temple will be rebuilt and I can do that!”
Wow! Big dreams from such a little guy. It reminded me of these verses:

Isaiah 6:8 NIV
“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Nehemiah 2:5 NIV
“and I answered the king, “If it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in his sight, let him send me to the city in Judah where my ancestors are buried so that I can rebuild it.”

Do I think my little guy is a modern-day Nehemiah, being called to rebuild the temple? Probably not. But I do know that my God is capable to fulfill His purposes any way He sees fit. I also know (from personal experience) that He is not looking for the most talented, the most skilled, or the most famous person to do His work. He’s looking for hearts that are totally submitted to Him and willing to do what He calls. Hearts that say “Send me.”
One of my greatest desires in my ministry is to see women find their great purpose in life and live the life God truly intended for them. That becomes part of our legacy because living a life of Kingdom purpose is CONTAGIOUS and our kids can’t help but pick it up.

Eph 3:20 NLT

“Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.”

Have you ever felt like there is something great inside you, something that you would never ever dare to ask God for or even hope that it could happen? What keeps you from fulfilling the great purpose that God has for you? Fear? Laziness? Insecurity? Have you lost yourself in feelings of being unimportant, unimpressive or just plain invisible? Have you convinced yourself that where you are right now is not part of your great purpose…or that your current situation is somehow keeping you from that dream, instead of embracing it? Believe me, I NEVER would have imagined that God would have called me to write for, speak to and teach women. If He can use me in that purpose, He can use ANYONE for anything! Not only could I have convinced myself that I was completely ill-equipped for such a task, but I have had a host of really good excuses to try to get out of doing it.
Have you ever considered that God has you exactly where He wants you – right now - so that you CAN discover your great purpose? He wants you to find whatever is “within you” and use it for His glory, today!
So go for it! Dream big! Take that first step toward finding out what God wants to accomplish through you. Brick by brick, you might find that it’s not as difficult as you thought, because His power within you can make it happen.
The question is, are you willing to say, “Here I am Lord, send me?”

It might not be rebuilding the temple, but it might be rebuilding a Godly heritage for your family by creating a legacy for your children that is beyond what you thought you were able to do. And that is something great, indeed.

Blessings to you!

Hello, I'm Distracted

As moms, we wake up each day and put on a name tag. No, not an actual, visible name tag, and most people may not even notice the name tag we are wearing. But our kids read the name tag loud and clear the minute they see your face. They see by our expressions, the way we listen (or don't listen) and they see it in our attitudes. They see when we are wearing the "Worried" name tag, the "Too Busy" name tag, and the "Quick to Speak, Slow to Listen" one. They know when mom makes a habit of wearing the "Not Now" name tag and when she never takes off the "Unhappy" one.

There are times when each of us will wear these name tags from time-to-time, and for legitimate reasons. In the interest of full disclosure, I've found myself in a very busy season and have several challenges and issues vying for my attention and I have been wearing the "Distracted" name tag a bit too frequently these days. I guess that's why I felt compelled to write this.

However justified we may feel in wearing our inner struggles on our faces, we must be aware how our name tags affect our ability to create a meaningful, trusting relationship with our kids. If we want our kids to tell us the truth, share their lives, and open their hearts to us, we need to make sure that we put on name tags that say "I'm Here", "Patient", "A Soft Place to Fall", "Trustworthy" and "You Matter".

Proverbs 15:13 says, "A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit."

Our heartache can sometimes spill out and crush the spirit of the little lives we are trying to mold also, and a simple change of our heart and face can make a huge difference.

So today, try responding to your children with a big smile and focused attention and eye-contact, even if you are deep in thought and they are coming to tell you a detailed description of the level they just completed on their favorite video game....for the fourth time. The connection you make will be much more valuable than the one minute of time it took to give your child your undivided attention, and your smile and approval will make their day.

Who knows, you might even find yourself wearing a "Greatest Mom in the World" name tag, even if no one sees it but you. You'll know you are wearing it when you see the look of contentment and love on your child's face.

Blessings,

Kym

The Inside Scoop on Gossip

Someone comes to you and says, “You’re not going to believe what I just heard about so-and-so….” And in the blink of an eye you find yourself caught up right in the middle of it. Gossip. The dirt. The inside scoop. Whatever you call it, we have all done it, we’ve nearly all been hurt by it, and we all know better. Then why is it so hard for us to not do something that the Bible clearly tells us is wrong? Is it because society treats it lightly, even promotes it with entire TV shows and magazines and websites dedicated to it? Is it because it makes us feel good to be “in the know” about someone else? Or is it much deeper, much more personal than we would really like to admit?

I recently taught on this subject and got several requests to blog on it. Although I can’t include everything from that lesson in this post, I’ll try to hit some key points and answer some really tough questions about gossiping so that we can all learn to get a handle on this problem that seems so minor, but can lead to a legacy of sin that we will hand down to our children if we don’t get a handle on it.

There is a big misconception out there that if you are sharing something that is true, then it’s not gossip. Gossip is anything we say that raises questions or doubts about another person or their character. It is conversation that occurs behind someone’s back that puts them in a bad light (even if that was not the intention). And then there’s gossip’s evil twin: slander. Slander is to speak critically of a person with the intent to hurt their character or their reputation

I don’t think we usually begin our day with intentionally gossiping about someone or harming their character on our list of things to get done. Sometimes we have a real concern or compassion or curiosity for a person and/or their circumstances and we convince ourselves, “If I can just get more information about this situation, or if I just share this with someone, we can pray for them or help in some way.”

But, if we are really walking with Christ on a daily basis, you know when your talk has become gossip. You get that tug, that pit-in-the-stomach- feeling from the Holy Spirit that tells you that you have shared too much.

Several years ago I encountered a difficult situation with a person that I disagreed with and felt justified in my opinions. I was speaking at a parenting conference and one of the speakers was teaching techniques and opinions that I whole-heartedly disagreed with and even worse…the speaker wasn’t even a parent! I thought it was outrageous. I couldn’t wait to talk about it with a couple of my friends because I knew they would agree with me that I was right…..it was outrageous what was taught and especially coming from someone with no practical experience. I repeated word for word for my friends what was said, even imitated the inflection and gestures used by this person. Then I got that feeling…that tap on the shoulder….uh oh…I was gossiping.

So, why do we talk about others even when we know gossip is wrong, harmful to us and others and we don’t really want to hurt other people? I think it’s like this: I once forgot that I had left a cast iron skillet in the oven and the oven had been preheating. Without thinking, I just grabbed the handle and burned my hand pretty good. Later that day, as I was taking a shower, I realized that the hot water was burning my hand further. However, it was too hard to use my left and hand and wash my hair with just one hand, so I decided to just go ahead and use my hand even though it was hurting, because it was easier to do what I had always done. That the same thing we do with gossip. It’s hard to change habits or to be the one to stop the conversation, so we just go ahead and do what’s easy if we know we are going to pay for it later. That’s the lie of sin. It seems so minor…or fun….for the short term. Then it turns around and bites you. Habits are hard to break.

We as women are naturally talkers and relationship oriented. (That’s not to say that men don’t gossip too) but we as a whole tend to be characterized by having loose lips from time to time. We are by design social creatures. Many of us desire to be included, to be in groups, to fit in and know what is going on in other people’s lives. These things all create the perfect storm for gossip.

We want to be valued, feel connected and get affirmation from those around us. When you share a certain opinion about someone, you are being vulnerable and laying it on the line. When the other person affirms your opinion and shares their true feelings, there is a “bond” -an intimacy that is formed by sharing a “secret” or knowing “inside” information.

If we are really going to get real about gossip and do something about it, we have to feed that root need behind the gossip in a more productive way.

The question is what is your root need that you are trying to fill with gossip? Is it that your self-esteem is low and you need to feel superior to someone by criticizing them? Is it that you feel left out in a group and want to be “in” the group? Do you just need someone to tell you that your opinions are valid?

Let’s be honest, at times we are all that 12-year-old girl inside that still wants to fit in and be accepted. That girl that needs to be in the “in” group and wonders if people really like her and if they are talking about her and judging her behind her back. And the tactics we used in jr. high to feel like part of the group are sometimes the same old tactics we use now, except that now the stakes are much higher! Now there are careers, marriages, testimonies and church unity that can be damaged by our words. Not to mention our children and our legacy.


So, here are five reasons to avoid gossip:
1. It tears apart homes and families.
Proverbs 14:1
“A wise woman builds her house; a foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands.”

One of the ways we tear down our own homes and families, as well as other’s families is with our foolish words.

2. It leads to bitterness.

Hebrews 12: 14-15
“Try to live in peace with everyone, and seek to live a clean and holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Look after each other so that no bitter root of unbelief rises up among you, for whenever it springs up, many are corrupted by its poison.”

One little comment made about you or made by you about someone else can start a root of bitterness and pain that can grow into weeds that choke out even the closest of relationships.

3. It changes how you perceive other people.

Proverbs 18:8
“What dainty morsels rumors are – but they sink deep into one’s heart.”

Someone asks a leading question like, “Is everything okay between Mark and Susan? I’m really concerned about their marriage.” You’ve had no reason to think anything was wrong….but now you start to wonder.

Even if the gossip you share isn’t a big deal to you, or if what you hear about someone isn’t even true and you know it’s probably just gossip, it plants a seed of doubt in your mind. Your mind is then forever changed about that person. You sometimes then analyze it and make it into something huge in your own mind. Then begins the speculation, the suspicions, and the judgment- all which may be based on hearsay or something that may not even be true.

4. It defiles you.
To be defiled means to be made unclean. It makes you dirty…basically. Jesus, talking to the Pharisees who were all wrapped up in the religious rules about what was clean and unclean to eat, says the following:

Matthew 15: 11-12 and 16-20a

“You are not defiled by what you eat; you are defiled by what you what you say and do. ……Anything you eat passes through the stomach and goes out of the body. But evil words come from an evil heart and defile the person who says them. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all others sexual immorality, theft, lying and slander. These are what defile you.”

Slander is right there on the list with murder and adultery as things that defile you. What comes out of our mouths is a reflection of what is going on in our hearts. If the heart is right, the speech will be also

5. It has lasting impact on your circle of influence: your friends, your family and your children.

We are supposed to be discipling our children - that is, leading them and teaching them to follow the Lord. They are our first and most important mission field. I know we would all tell our children not to be gossips or tattle-tales. But we can’t take our children any further than we ourselves are willing to go. We must get this right now - if we don’t, we are creating an open door of generational sin to flow right down to our children. Is that the legacy we want to leave our kids with? Is that how we want to be remembered, “My mom was always on phone with her friends talking about people?” It’s a hard question, but we must take it seriously.

There is no doubt that as women we will fail many times in the area of gossip. We will talk too much from time to time in an effort to deepen our relationships. If we are going to talk though, let’s at least make our words encouraging and beneficial. Let’s commit to use our words to build each other up instead of tearing each other down.

Wouldn’t it be great to know that the women in your life have your back no matter what? They aren’t going to slander you, they aren’t going to criticize your weaknesses, and they aren’t going to talk about you to other people? We can do that for each other! As Legacy Moms, we can commit to be women of integrity, women who stand for what is right, and women who have the self-confidence because of who we are in Christ. We don’t need to drag other people down with gossip. We don’t need to gossip to feel more connected and included.

We are all in process of becoming more like Christ by growing in faith and in spiritual maturity. We have all failed. Don’t focus on your own failure and the failure of others. Instead, let’s forgive each other and help each other to grow, improve and move forward from here. Let’s encourage one another to be better moms and better women today than we were yesterday.

Helping Your Kids See the Big Picture of the Bible

Did you know that if you want your son or daughter to become a teenager with authentic faith that lasts, then he/she first needs to be able to articulate their God-story? I got some great information from my oldest son's pastor at church and I wanted to share it with you (with his permission.) He is reading a book called "Almost Christian" by Kenda Creasy Dean, and in this book they lay out an extensive survey on American teen spirituality, and found that being able to articulate a God-story is one of the keys of having faith that is consequential (meaning it lasts.)

What does is mean to articulate a God-story? I think of it as being able to articulate the big-picture story of what God is doing from creation to the end. Here's how our youth pastor explained it: It ..."means that your son or daughter needs to know a basic understanding of what God has done in history and what direction He is taking us. As Christians our God-story is based on the revelation of Scripture. I know that it is easy to feel inadequate and insecure about teaching the Bible to your children. We are uneasy because we don't really know the story ourselves. The good news is that God doesn't need you to be a Bible scholar or pastor to teach your children well. A simple, clear understanding of the flow of the Bible is what a middle schooler needs to understand. This is something you CAN help them with."

Here is one basic overview of the Bible that may help you develop a God-story of your own:

1. God has created all things (including humans) for His glory and purposes.- Gen. 1-2
2. Humanity rebelled against God, causing a devastating rift in our relationship that leads to death and separation.- Gen. 3
3. In His great love, God chose Abraham and his descendants (Israel) to be His people through whom he would bless and save the world.- Genesis 12-Exodus
4. Israel failed to faithfully serve God and therefore a Messiah was needed to represent Israel and save the world.- Deuteronomy-Malachi
5. Jesus, fully God and fully man, came as the long awaited Messiah who fulfilled God's promises to rescue us from our sin.- the Gospels
6. Jesus established his church, empowered by the Holy Spirit, to continue His work on the earth until His return.- Acts - Jude
7. Jesus will return to earth to judge those on earth, completely destroy Satan and sin, and restore creation to an unhindered relationship with God.- Revelation


I hope this helps you as you lead your son or daughter as you talk about the Bible and Biblical truth and help them to see the "big picture." I have found it helpful with my kids to always take them back to the big picure, then help them understand how the stories and lessons in the Bible fit in that story so they can see that God is working, He is in control, and that we are a part of a bigger plan.

By the way, if you have little kids, I know that Big Ideas just produced a series of dvds called "Whats in the Bible" to help little ones see the big story as well.

(Thanks to Kevin Libick, Middle School Pastor at Christ Chapel Bible Church for allowing me to share his thoughts!)

Blessings,

Kym

PG 13 - Is it really suitable for your teen?

This issue has really been on my heart this week and I felt led to share my thoughts. My heart breaks when I see children being exposed to things that they are neither spiritually or developmentally ready for, or when they are exposed to just blatant raunchy, rebellious behavior all in the name of "humor." Don't get me wrong, I love comedy and love to laugh, but I am seeing a trend that concerns me. I think that we sometimes get numb to sin when it is presented as humor, and I think we need to be accountable as parents as to what we allow our children to see on TV and in movies. When we tell our kids to obey God's word and to make wise choices based on His word, yet we allow them to see movies that make light of sexual purity, drug use, and present clearly sinful behavior as normal or something to laugh about, we are sending our children mixed messages.

Take, for example, PG-13 movies. Do you assume that because it is rated PG-13 that it is appropriate for anyone over 13? A new movie came out this week that is aimed at teens and is billed as a spoof of the Twilight movies,Vampires Suck. Here's just a part of what is in this PG-13 movie: (from www.pluggedin.com)

Edward shows up in Becca's room at night, ogling and/or cuddling her. After making out with him, Becca strips down to an S&M-style bra and panties. Wielding a whip and other bondage-oriented accoutrements, she throws Edward down, lies on top of him and kisses him passionately. (She's trying to make him "do everything" since they're both virgins. He resists her by breaking a lamp over her head. She responds by saying she likes it rough.) When Edward bites Becca, the act becomes very sexualized as they writhe and groan.

Jacob is portrayed as effeminate and his pack of "wolves" as homosexual dancers. Two men kiss for a prom photo. (Prom is portrayed as a sexual free-for-all.) "Lesbian" is used as an epithet. Becca says that she and Jacob played doctor as children, and that she once gave him a prostate exam. Couples make out. "Humping" and incest are mentioned. Virginity and abstinence are mocked. A girl describes how she still can't ride a bike because she and her lover had such rough sex. A paralyzed man complains that he can't feel his penis. Frank remarks on the size of his daughter's breasts, and he makes disgustingly inappropriate sexual comments to her. He even parades his blow-up sex doll—a running joke—around in her presence. Male and female genitalia are crudely referenced, as are various sex acts. One f-word and at least 15 s-words. God's name is abused about 10 times, twice coupled with "d‑‑n." Christ's name is misused once. Other language includes "h‑‑‑," "b‑‑ch" and "a‑‑." "Blow," "balls" and "douche bag" are also used. A man displays a "single-digit salute."

I saw first-hand similar issues with another teen favorite Dinner for Schmucks. My husband and I actually went to see this one for ourselves and were shocked to see not only young teens, but families coming out of this film, some with kids as young as 8-10 years old.

I wonder how many parents assume that the MPAA has their back, and that if they give a movie a PG-13 rating, that means it's appropriate for everyone 13 and over? Nothing could be further from the truth. The real deal is that teens bring in a huge chunk of money to the movie industry. PG-13 allows movies to be raunchy and rebellious, yet still open to teens and put the responsiblitly on the parents. Here's how the MPAA themselves describe the PG-13 rating: "PG-13 places larger responsibilities on parents for their children's moviegoing. The voluntary rating system is not a surrogate parent, nor should it be. It cannot, and should not, insert itself in family decisions that only parents can, and should, make. Its purpose is to give prescreening advance informational warnings, so that parents can form their own judgments. PG-13 is designed to make these parental decisions easier for films between PG and R." From my point of view, movies that are PG-13 now are overwhelmingly similar to R movies from when we were teens.

Obviously, YOU are the parent of your children, and no one can or should tell you what is best for your kids. But I want to encourage you, as Christian moms, to not make decisions about media without knowing what you are allowing. When we tell our kids that something is wrong, but then we expose them to 100 voices telling them that it is okay, we become one voice in 100 and the majority will win out.

Listen, today's culture is absolutely battling for the hearts and minds of your children. Get your sword and shield and don't be afraid to fight for your kids. Ask questions. Do your homework. Don't make assumptions. Don't be afraid to say "No." Your kids may not understand now, but they will thank you later.

Remember, you are creating a legacy with the decisions you make each and every day and the choices you make now matter. They affect your family now and they affect future generations.


By the way, www.Pluggedin.com is a great resource for parents to review movies, video games and more for content. We use it frequently.

Many Blessings!