When God Closes a Door......

He always opens a window. We’ve heard this popular quote all our lives. I’m not even sure who said it, but I bet we have all said it, or been told it at some point. But is it true? And more importantly, do we set ourselves and our children up for unrealistic expectations when we repeat popular phrases like this? I don’t know for sure.
I think that it is true, but it doesn’t always happen immediately. In my life, sometimes God closes a door, but instead of then immediately opening a window, He says, “Now that the door is closed, I have something to work out in you. So for now, you need to be still in this place and trust Me. I will open the window in My timing. Be patient.”
I have been in this very position for the past couple of years. Knowing that a door was being closed, and wanting it to just hurry up and close so God could open a window and I could move on from this particular trial and we could be done with it. But instead, it has been a long, drawn-out process. And in that process I have experienced such a growth in my relationship with Him.
Paul said in Romans 5:3-4 “… we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
What I have realized also through this process is that my precious children are watching me. They are watching me to see how I respond to the waiting and the suffering and not knowing. It is as if they are asking, “Mom, is God’s Word really true?” Is He really trustworthy? Does He really love us and want what’s best for us, even when there is suffering?”
And in this, like many other times, my attitude and my example is either going to reinforce God’s Word in their lives, or it’s not. I have not been perfect in this area….trust me! But I have gotten better. Maybe that’s what God has been waiting for, for me to get better at trusting Him.
So, have hope my friend. If a door is being closed in your life, and it doesn’t look like there is an open window that you can see, be patient. Sit in the presence of God and enjoy the view and understand that the closed window is protecting you from more storms. God is using this time of waiting to perfect His plan for you. Teach this to your kids and remember their little eyes and ears are taking in more than you know. God will plant your family where He wants in His timing so that you all can grow deep roots in Him and bear much fruit.
Jeremiah 17:7-8
7 “But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”

Have a blessed day!

~Kym

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook - Part VII

So, we have covered a lot of ground in this series, but like I said in our very first post, this is not a comprehensive list of everything you can do to be prudent when it comes to your teen and social networking. We cannot overlook the important role that prayer, training your teen's heart, and instilling Christ-like character play in preparing your teen to handle all areas of life with dignity and self-respect. These are things that hopefully you have been doing for years, and will see the benefits of as you enter those murky waters of the teen years and the changing world of technology. Stay on top of it, be alert and informed, and communicate. Most importantly, keep Christ the center of your home.

To wrap up, I want to share with you the two best parts of Facebook in my opinion:

1) Facebook is a FANTASTIC way to find out who your teen's friends really are and to keep you in-the-know about what is going on at school, in sports, etc. It can create some great dialogue between you and your teen. Don’t be afraid to be Facebook friends with your son or daughter's friends. As moms, we can all help each other to keep our teens safe and keep an eye on them, but it is also a great way to create relationships and stay in touch with those kids that we don't see as often. Several of my friends are Facebook friends with my kids and vice versa.

2) Facebook (and technology in general) is a great privilege to be earned or taken away for a time if situations warrant that! Quite simply: Facebook can be a great motivator.

Now for a word of caution when it comes to "mom etiquette" on Facebook: be sensitive to your teen and resist the urge to comment on and “like” every single one of their posts. Also, ask them before you share a picture or mention them in a post. Talk to your teen and see how they feel about you interacting with them. Some don’t care, but some will! We want to supervise them in a healthy way, but not be intrusive or (gasp!) embarrassing! Communication and clear expectations can prevent a lot of conflict in the future, and showing your teen respect and understanding will help build a relationship of trust between the two of you.

I hope this series has been of some help to you!

Blessings,

Kym

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook - Part VI

If your teen is on Facebook, it is so important to tell him/her to report to you anytime a stranger tries to engage them on Facebook, and you might want to come up with some boundaries about going to "Pages" and commenting on posts by pages, because unlike your friend's walls, those pages are public.

What I mean by "pages" is anything your teen has "liked", like music groups, tv shows, celebrities, etc. For example, a couple of years ago my son was on a Lego Collectors page where someone had asked a question about a specific piece that is not available in Europe. This person commented on a post by the page and wanted to know if anyone had this piece in the US and could describe it. My son innocently saw the question, and knew the answer so he commented on the post and answered his question. This person continued to ask more questions. Within a day, he sent an “inbox” message to my son saying, “Hey, I tried to send you a friend request but it won’t let me. You seem like a cool guy, send me a friend request.” (If you recall from a previous post, I mentioned how important is was to set your teen's privacy so that only people with mutual friends could send a friend request.)

My son thought is was suspicious, and he immediately showed it to me. As I investigated, this guy had a cartoon as his profile pic and only had “liked” pages that young boys would be on and had only a handful of Facebook friends. Suspicious, to say the least! My son replied with “Nah, man, sorry I don’t friend people I don’t know,” then promptly “blocked” him from ever contacting him again. It was lesson learned, but please be aware that when your kids post and comment on pages they have “liked” they can be targeted by predators.

Bullying can also be a problem on Facebook. Experts say that the younger the teen group, the meaner the bullying can be. A recent study said that 9 out of 10 teens say they have seen some type of bullying on social media sites. It seems that Facebook is trying to address it and provide some solutions for it. This is a great link for you and your teen to take a look at:
https://www.facebook.com/help/?page=178608028874393

Some of the bullying takes place in private groups and pages created with the intention of spreading rumors etc. This should be discussed and my suggestion is to have some real clear expectations and consequences for gossiping or bullying (ie: no more Facebook). Hopefully this isn't even an issue for you, but it is good during the training period to talk about what is acceptable.

As we went through our "training period" we talked about being careful not to just "like" a page or join a group just because your friends have, but only like those things that you truly like and want more information from. More liked pages just means more unfiltered posts and advertisements, so teach your kids to be prudent and selective.

On the upside: not ALL Facebook pages are bad! Legacy Moms is pretty good, right? Find out if your church's youth group has a page, and find other ministry pages or Christian groups or singers that they like. There are some great pages that post encouragement, Scripture, and truth. It's all about making Facebook work for you, not against you!

Next post: The two biggest benefits to having your teens on Facebook - stay tuned!

Blessings,

Kym

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook - Part V

When it comes to friending on Facebook, I have realized that most teens will send friend requests and accept them from anyone who they have mutual friends with (ie: classmates) even if they really do not know the person. Because of this, be aware that your young teen may end up being Facebook friends with older siblings of friends, college students, etc. and you may need to watch the content on their news feed for age-appropriateness.

If you come across a friend using language or posting things that are objectionable, your teen does have the option to just "un-friend" the person. Note that although the other person won't get a notification that they were deleted, if they truly are friends with your teen, "un-friending" someone in teen world is like saying "I'm not your friend." One way that we have handled this tricky area is to just "hide" their posts by "unsubscribing." You do this by hovering over the upper right corner of one of their posts until the arrow appears. Click it to reveal the drop-down menu. You then can select if you want to see some of their posts, all of them, none of their status updates, or just click "unsubscribe." When you unsubscribe, nothing they post will appear on your newsfeed anymore, but you are still Facebook friends. Please note that because you are still friends, your teen can still go to that persons page and see everything they have posted, and that person will still be seeing your posts like normal.

As parents, I do think we need to watch out for one another and our kids, but do it in a helpful, not harmful way. If you see another teen posting something harmful or inappropriate online, don't be afraid to let the parents know. Many times parents are just not aware of what is going on or do not check. If my child posted something harmful, I would want to know!

This goes into a whole other area we will address later about being Facebook friends with your teen and your teens close friends. We'll address that in another post. But for now, just let me say that if you see something dangerous, contact the parent quickly but in private. Facebook walls are for the most part public and NOT the place to question or confront every post that you are concerned about. (This goes for everyone! It's not Biblical to confront someone like that Matt. 18:15) If you see something that is questionable or could be something inappropriate but your aren't sure, save yourself some embarrassment from over-reacting. Keep in mind that you might not know the whole context and should probably give the person the benefit of the doubt before jumping to conclusions and publicly admonishing them. Be diligent and wise, but don't be intrusive and become the Facebook police. It's best to just have an agreement with a few close friends to watch out for one another as your teens learn Facebook, and unsubcribe to those you don't really know and don't find their posts appropriate.

ONE IMPORTANT THING TO KNOW: there is a setting so that no one can search your teen or send them a friend request without having a mutual friend first. This is SO IMPORTANT. There are “fake” pages out there that search out and send requests to (especially to teen boys) with a profile picture of a scantily-clad female, then say, “If you want to see more pictures of me, click this link” to either get them to a porn site, or for phishing. This can be avoided simply by getting your settings correct. This also protects you some from predators who might be trolling around on public pages, looking for young teens to "friend" and communicate with. I have a personal story on this issue - more on this tomorrow.

Have a great day!