From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook - Part IV

So, last week we left-off talking about having a "training period" with your teens on Facebook. One of the most important things you can do is to teach them to avoid clicking on a link unless they are 100% sure it is legitimate.

There are spyware pictures and videos posted everyday on Facebook that have shocking headlines or comments to entice you to click on them. Once you do, the spammer now has access to your account and reposts the link to all your friends as you…and so it spreads. These links usually look suspicious and end with things like .cn or other two-letter endings.
Some of these malicious links that I have seen include a link that claims to have a video of Osama Bin Ladin being captured (see pic above), or a link to a video that says something like "You'll never believe what this dad saw on his daughter's Facebook" or "Such-and-Such celebrity caught on shocking video." There are also all the claims of free stuff if you click certain links. Another popular ploy you will see a lot is “you can see who looks at your Facebook page” or "Click here to find out who has deleted you." According to Facebook, this is impossible and there will never be an app that lets you circumvent their system to see who looks at your page, or who has deleted you, etc.

In short, if it sounds too good to be true, or if it seems too shocking, it’s probably a scam. Do not click on it and report it immediately to Facebook by hovering over the right corner of the post and when the arrow appears with the drop-down menu, click “report as spam.”

Once you click on these malicious links, the spammer now reposts the same link as YOU. This is important to know because this is how these bad links get perpetuated. Even my pastor-friend got hacked and had a pornographic picture posted with the comment "OMG! You'll never believe this video!". Clearly his friends knew it was a fraud and warned him to change his password immediately and we reported it to Facebook, but teens are pretty gullible and their curiosity will get the best of them if they don't know what they are dealing with. If you are going to help your teen navigate safely through Facebook, then you must help them understand the fraud that is out there, what the risks are, and how to avoid it and then report it.

Tomorrow we will discuss issues with friending and fraud that takes place there, too!
Hang in there, moms! I know this can be overwhelming, but your kids are worth it.

Blessings,

Kym

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook - Part III

Today's tip: If you decide to let your teen get on Facebook, it is advisable to have a "probationary/training period" with some extra limits to ensure they know how to us it properly before you just "set them free" on the site.


When my kids first got a Facebook account, we had a training period where they weren’t allowed to be on Facebook without me right there, to help them navigate their way and so I could show them what is safe and appropriate to do on Facebook and what they must avoid. (My husband doesn't "do" Facebook, so I had to do the training on this area - but get Dad involved if he is a Facebook user too!)

For example, I would sit next to them and show them that things in writing don’t always come across the way you want them to. To avoid misunderstandings, or hurt feelings, or misinterpretations, I had to teach them to think carefully about the words they choose and what they post, comment on, etc.. As we went through their Facebook page together, there were plenty of examples to use and we had some good discussions about how the things you post reflect who you are in a very public way.

Also, as they got more and more friends, and as a result had more posts to see on their newsfeeds, I had to teach them how to recognize the bad, spyware links, (more on that on my next post) and how to block or remove posts that they didn’t need to be getting, and who to “friend” and who to decline (more on that in a few days).

When they demonstrated good decision-making and trustworthiness and an ability to understand and use Facebook in a beneficial way, then they earned the privilege of getting on without me watching their every move, and the ability to post things, etc.. without asking me to check it first. (The good news is, they still run things by me if they aren’t sure!)

We have drilled into our kids' heads that they are representing Christ and our family when they make decisions away from us. This includes posting things on Facebook. It is easy for them to forget how public things are and that anyone can be reading their conversations. So we remind them not to say anything that they couldn’t say to their grandparents or pastor or on a stage in front of all their classmates - or don't post any picture that you wouldn't want the world to see - period. Believe me, this takes time to learn. Facebook is just another piece to a bigger puzzle that you are creating with your kids in understanding how to handle themselves with dignity and respect in life away from your watchful eye. In this day of technology - you have two options. You can forbid it all, and risk having your teen using it without guidance, or you can get intentional, learn about it, and train them to use it correctly.

True character is being who you say you are even when no one is looking. If they are authentic, this shouldn’t be a problem, but with the pressure of "being cool" and fitting in, etc..some teens might find it easy to blur the lines, which is why it important to continue to monitor them now and then, and have honest discussions.

By the way, there is a "delete post" option...and with teens and their impulsivity, you might want to get them familiar with it, because you will probably want to use it a time or two! In addition, access to Facebook can be a great privilege and motivator, so removing the privilege for misuse can be a useful tool in your training "toolbag."

Next post: Malicious/dangerous content on Facebook

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook - Part II

This is the second installment on a series of posts I am doing. If you missed yesterday's post, be sure to go down and read that one. Today I want to share with you what you need to know about privacy settings.

Privacy settings are super-important and must be checked regularly! As the parent, you do have control over who can see what on your teen’s wall. It's not about being over-controlling and suspicious. It's about being smart and doing your job to protect your kids and equip them to be smart when it comes to internet safety. My suggestion is to make everything “friends only.” I have been on Facebook since 2008 and they make changes and “updates” FREQUENTLY, and many times these changes affect your privacy settings. You can’t be too careful, so check them often.

Here is a link that details Facebook’s privacy settings for minors as of now: https://www.facebook.com/help/?page=214189648617074

To check your teen's privacy settings:

Click the arrow next to HOME in upper right corner and from the drop-down menu, go to privacy settings. First, you can set the overall default setting to "Friends". Then go down to “edit settings” next to “how you connect.” This is how my older teen’s page is set:

• Who can look up your profile by name or contact info? Friends of Friends
• Who can send you friend requests? Friends of Friends
• Who can send you Facebook messages? Friends
• Who can post on your Wall? Friends
• Who can see Wall posts by others on your profile? Friends of Friends

You have the option to make each one of these either: everyone, friends of friends, or just friends. I would suggest not having anything set to everyone for your teen, regardless of whether Facebook says minors are protected. As I said, things change. We will address these settings again in a future post, and I can not stress enough how important it it to get these correct!

On the topic of privacy, one of the prerequisites for my kids was that I have their passwords and can access their FB at anytime. I have heard that some teens are creating a decoy Facebook page for their family members to see, then secretly creating another page with an alias that they actually use. A friend told me she had a teen family member whom she searched for and found she had two pages, one with her real name and one with her middle name that her parents knew nothing about. You have to have another e-mail address to create another page. Beware of that! If you know your teen is on Facebook frequently, yet you see very few posts from their friends and nothing new being posted, you might check into that. Personally, if my child did that, there would be no more access to technology – but that’s just me! People that have nothing to hide, hide nothing. If your teen is hiding their Facebook page from you, there is probably a reason and it’s your job to find out!

Coming Monday: Training your teen to understand how to use Facebook appropriately and recognize fraud.

Have a blessed weekend and please share with your friends!

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook.

First let me say that I am no “expert” on Facebook. I am just a mom, like you. But if you and I were having coffee together and the topic of teens and Facebook came up, there are a few things that I have learned that I would share with you, because I know that you, like me, are an intentional mom and would want to be smart when it comes to your kids and their well-being. As I wrote out my list, I realized I had A LOT to say - too much for one post. So I will be posting one point a day for the next couple of weeks. Obviously, this series of posts is not going to be a comprehensive list of everything a wise mom needs to know about Facebook, but just the things that stand out to me as very important. Also, Facebook is an ever-changing place, so if you’re reading this anytime after November, 2011, the detailed information may not even be accurate anymore, but some will still be helpful. My hope is that you will “share” these posts and pass them along to every mom you know, so that we can all keep our sweet kiddos safe and help them navigate through the murky waters of social media.

So here we go!

1. Facebook might be great for some teens, but could be very unhealthy for some others. Although it seems to be a reality we need to accept, you can say no to Facebook and be perfectly fine, but be prepared for a battle. If your teen wants to be on Facebook, my suggestion is you really get to know it and know your teen and decide if it is something that will help them or hinder them. For example, for some teens it can be a great way to build community and friendships with people they don’t see as often, like the people in their youth group at church, for example. For social teens and those that are mature and have good friendships, it can be an enhancement for them. However, if your teen is likely to suffer with feelings of insecurity and being left-out, you might think twice about Facebook, or at the very least have a discussion about the negative side of being on Facebook. That is; they will find out about parties, sleepovers, and get-togethers that they were not invited to. For some teens, this is no big deal, but for others it can lead to depression and insecurity. Another important thing to discuss is that people portray the best, most exciting parts of their life on Facebook. If your teen begins to compare their “real” life to the seemingly “amazing” life portrayed on FB by their friends, it can seem as though their life is boring in comparison, which can cause some teens to become depressed. Doctors are now identifying what they call “Facebook Depression” in teens, so just be aware of it. You can read more about that here:

www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42298789/ns/health-mental_health/t/docs-warn-about-teens-facebook-depression/#.TsZpqlb4J8s

Talk with your teen about why they want to be on Facebook and what their intentions are with it. An honest, open discussion about it can really help you decide if it is a good choice for your teen now, or if it is something that should be delayed a bit.

Next post: What you should know about your teen's privacy settings.

Stay tuned!

Belts, Binders & More

"Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.” ~Mathew25:40

Each year, Legacy Moms families reach out to our community and provide Christmas gift and basic needs for needy children and their families in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex. This year for our annual Christmas outreach, Legacy Moms will be serving the families at Travis Middle School in Irving, Texas, and we have several ways you can participate with us! Many of the kids attending TMS are in such severe poverty that they are having to wash their school uniforms at school and many of the kids go without lunch, and for some kids, school lunch is the only meal they will get that day. The vice-principal of this school has asked for us to help. Please pray about helping in one of the following ways:

1. The biggest need is for Legacy Moms families and their friends, small groups, etc., to “adopt” a family to provide Christmas presents for them. There are families of all sizes available and it is great if several families want to go together to take care of a family. The needs would be something like school shoes, clothes, and maybe a fun toy for each child and a grocery card or paying the utility bill for the family would be great if you would like to bless the parents as well!

If you would like to adopt a family, please e-mail Brooke Andrews at Brooke@ashleytayloragency.com or Jessica Gaudin at jessicagaudin@yahoo.com and let them know you are interested as soon as possible.
Families will be available to choose from by November 11 and you can begin shopping! Then, on December 17th at 9:30 am, we will participate in a Christmas Family Celebration in the school’s cafeteria, where you will be able to meet your family, have breakfast, and bless them with your gifts. What a great way to show your kids what being the hands and feet of Christ really looks like and serving the needy together as a family!

2. Belts and Binders!! These kids are in desperate need of 3-ring binders for school and belts to wear with their uniforms per school rules. Belts for size 38+ are especially needed. Belts and binders can be new or used. Please bring your donations of belts and binders to our November Legacy Moms meeting.

3. Donate any spare change you may have sitting in a jar somewhere. This money can go toward a “lunch fund” at the school for kids who aren’t able to eat that day. You can bring your spare change containers to Legacy Moms in November. This is a great way to get your kids involved- let them see how much spare change they can collect!

We will also need volunteers on Dec. 17 to help set up at the school cafeteria (1600 Finely Rd in Irving). If you would like to help with that as well, please e-mail Brooke or Jessica above.

Thanks for being a part of our Christmas outreach! We look forward to seeing God move in the lives of the children as a result of your love and generosity. Don’t forget to bring your belts, binders, and change to Legacy Moms in November! We’ll see you there!

God Bless,

Kym

Passing it On

I think most parents would agree that we want to pass on good things to our kids because we love them, and we hope in our heart-of-hearts that we aren't passing on too many of our "bad traits" to them. Most Christian parents I know would say they really want to leave a godly legacy to their children, but in the day-to-day grind, we sometimes lose sight of our real purpose as parents and we get lost in the details. Sometimes we just need a kick-in-pants to re-focus on our purpose and be reminded that our purpose as Christian parents is to leave a biblical legacy.
God gives a mandate in scripture to parents. He tells us that our job is to teach our children about Him.
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (New Living Translation)
“ …you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

It is our job as parents to teach our children about the Lord and how to live in obedience to His word. You may be thinking, "But I send my child to Sunday School, and a Christian School, and VBS, and he/she is learning it from people who are trained to that sort of thing. Why should I have to do it?" The answer is simple: because as parents, we are the biggest influencers in our child’s life.

In Exodus 20:6, God tells Moses:
“I lavish my love on those who love me and obey my commands, even for a thousand generations.”

What we do now matters – it impacts future generations. The fact is: You WILL pass on something…the question is, what are you passing on?

Everything we need to know about passing on a Godly legacy to our children in found in scripture. The Bible is as valid for us now as it was for all the generations of parents before us.

So, there’s good news and bad news:
The good news is: You have tremendous power to shape your child’s life
The bad news is: You have tremendous power to shape your child’s life!

When we as parents really understand that the choices we make today affect the way our children remember their childhoods, that those decisions mold who they are and how they see life, that’s when we get serious about making changes that create a godly legacy. That's when we bring some balance to our decisions and become intentional as parents. Children thrive best in an atmosphere of genuine love and affection, supported by reasonable, consistent discipline and boundaries.

In this day and time, with so much trying to win the hearts and minds of our children, we can’t just rely on hope or luck to raise "good" kids that might someday live a godly life. We must be intentional and make a CHOICE to parent according to God’s Word and make it a priority to INFUSE that into every choice we make.

Legacies are built one day at a time. What can you do today to get your family back on track? Read the Bible together, pray together, and learn to filter everything through the truth of God's word.

Have a blessed day!

Kym