When God Closes a Door......

He always opens a window. We’ve heard this popular quote all our lives. I’m not even sure who said it, but I bet we have all said it, or been told it at some point. But is it true? And more importantly, do we set ourselves and our children up for unrealistic expectations when we repeat popular phrases like this? I don’t know for sure.
I think that it is true, but it doesn’t always happen immediately. In my life, sometimes God closes a door, but instead of then immediately opening a window, He says, “Now that the door is closed, I have something to work out in you. So for now, you need to be still in this place and trust Me. I will open the window in My timing. Be patient.”
I have been in this very position for the past couple of years. Knowing that a door was being closed, and wanting it to just hurry up and close so God could open a window and I could move on from this particular trial and we could be done with it. But instead, it has been a long, drawn-out process. And in that process I have experienced such a growth in my relationship with Him.
Paul said in Romans 5:3-4 “… we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
What I have realized also through this process is that my precious children are watching me. They are watching me to see how I respond to the waiting and the suffering and not knowing. It is as if they are asking, “Mom, is God’s Word really true?” Is He really trustworthy? Does He really love us and want what’s best for us, even when there is suffering?”
And in this, like many other times, my attitude and my example is either going to reinforce God’s Word in their lives, or it’s not. I have not been perfect in this area….trust me! But I have gotten better. Maybe that’s what God has been waiting for, for me to get better at trusting Him.
So, have hope my friend. If a door is being closed in your life, and it doesn’t look like there is an open window that you can see, be patient. Sit in the presence of God and enjoy the view and understand that the closed window is protecting you from more storms. God is using this time of waiting to perfect His plan for you. Teach this to your kids and remember their little eyes and ears are taking in more than you know. God will plant your family where He wants in His timing so that you all can grow deep roots in Him and bear much fruit.
Jeremiah 17:7-8
7 “But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”

Have a blessed day!

~Kym

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook - Part VII

So, we have covered a lot of ground in this series, but like I said in our very first post, this is not a comprehensive list of everything you can do to be prudent when it comes to your teen and social networking. We cannot overlook the important role that prayer, training your teen's heart, and instilling Christ-like character play in preparing your teen to handle all areas of life with dignity and self-respect. These are things that hopefully you have been doing for years, and will see the benefits of as you enter those murky waters of the teen years and the changing world of technology. Stay on top of it, be alert and informed, and communicate. Most importantly, keep Christ the center of your home.

To wrap up, I want to share with you the two best parts of Facebook in my opinion:

1) Facebook is a FANTASTIC way to find out who your teen's friends really are and to keep you in-the-know about what is going on at school, in sports, etc. It can create some great dialogue between you and your teen. Don’t be afraid to be Facebook friends with your son or daughter's friends. As moms, we can all help each other to keep our teens safe and keep an eye on them, but it is also a great way to create relationships and stay in touch with those kids that we don't see as often. Several of my friends are Facebook friends with my kids and vice versa.

2) Facebook (and technology in general) is a great privilege to be earned or taken away for a time if situations warrant that! Quite simply: Facebook can be a great motivator.

Now for a word of caution when it comes to "mom etiquette" on Facebook: be sensitive to your teen and resist the urge to comment on and “like” every single one of their posts. Also, ask them before you share a picture or mention them in a post. Talk to your teen and see how they feel about you interacting with them. Some don’t care, but some will! We want to supervise them in a healthy way, but not be intrusive or (gasp!) embarrassing! Communication and clear expectations can prevent a lot of conflict in the future, and showing your teen respect and understanding will help build a relationship of trust between the two of you.

I hope this series has been of some help to you!

Blessings,

Kym

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook - Part VI

If your teen is on Facebook, it is so important to tell him/her to report to you anytime a stranger tries to engage them on Facebook, and you might want to come up with some boundaries about going to "Pages" and commenting on posts by pages, because unlike your friend's walls, those pages are public.

What I mean by "pages" is anything your teen has "liked", like music groups, tv shows, celebrities, etc. For example, a couple of years ago my son was on a Lego Collectors page where someone had asked a question about a specific piece that is not available in Europe. This person commented on a post by the page and wanted to know if anyone had this piece in the US and could describe it. My son innocently saw the question, and knew the answer so he commented on the post and answered his question. This person continued to ask more questions. Within a day, he sent an “inbox” message to my son saying, “Hey, I tried to send you a friend request but it won’t let me. You seem like a cool guy, send me a friend request.” (If you recall from a previous post, I mentioned how important is was to set your teen's privacy so that only people with mutual friends could send a friend request.)

My son thought is was suspicious, and he immediately showed it to me. As I investigated, this guy had a cartoon as his profile pic and only had “liked” pages that young boys would be on and had only a handful of Facebook friends. Suspicious, to say the least! My son replied with “Nah, man, sorry I don’t friend people I don’t know,” then promptly “blocked” him from ever contacting him again. It was lesson learned, but please be aware that when your kids post and comment on pages they have “liked” they can be targeted by predators.

Bullying can also be a problem on Facebook. Experts say that the younger the teen group, the meaner the bullying can be. A recent study said that 9 out of 10 teens say they have seen some type of bullying on social media sites. It seems that Facebook is trying to address it and provide some solutions for it. This is a great link for you and your teen to take a look at:
https://www.facebook.com/help/?page=178608028874393

Some of the bullying takes place in private groups and pages created with the intention of spreading rumors etc. This should be discussed and my suggestion is to have some real clear expectations and consequences for gossiping or bullying (ie: no more Facebook). Hopefully this isn't even an issue for you, but it is good during the training period to talk about what is acceptable.

As we went through our "training period" we talked about being careful not to just "like" a page or join a group just because your friends have, but only like those things that you truly like and want more information from. More liked pages just means more unfiltered posts and advertisements, so teach your kids to be prudent and selective.

On the upside: not ALL Facebook pages are bad! Legacy Moms is pretty good, right? Find out if your church's youth group has a page, and find other ministry pages or Christian groups or singers that they like. There are some great pages that post encouragement, Scripture, and truth. It's all about making Facebook work for you, not against you!

Next post: The two biggest benefits to having your teens on Facebook - stay tuned!

Blessings,

Kym

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook - Part V

When it comes to friending on Facebook, I have realized that most teens will send friend requests and accept them from anyone who they have mutual friends with (ie: classmates) even if they really do not know the person. Because of this, be aware that your young teen may end up being Facebook friends with older siblings of friends, college students, etc. and you may need to watch the content on their news feed for age-appropriateness.

If you come across a friend using language or posting things that are objectionable, your teen does have the option to just "un-friend" the person. Note that although the other person won't get a notification that they were deleted, if they truly are friends with your teen, "un-friending" someone in teen world is like saying "I'm not your friend." One way that we have handled this tricky area is to just "hide" their posts by "unsubscribing." You do this by hovering over the upper right corner of one of their posts until the arrow appears. Click it to reveal the drop-down menu. You then can select if you want to see some of their posts, all of them, none of their status updates, or just click "unsubscribe." When you unsubscribe, nothing they post will appear on your newsfeed anymore, but you are still Facebook friends. Please note that because you are still friends, your teen can still go to that persons page and see everything they have posted, and that person will still be seeing your posts like normal.

As parents, I do think we need to watch out for one another and our kids, but do it in a helpful, not harmful way. If you see another teen posting something harmful or inappropriate online, don't be afraid to let the parents know. Many times parents are just not aware of what is going on or do not check. If my child posted something harmful, I would want to know!

This goes into a whole other area we will address later about being Facebook friends with your teen and your teens close friends. We'll address that in another post. But for now, just let me say that if you see something dangerous, contact the parent quickly but in private. Facebook walls are for the most part public and NOT the place to question or confront every post that you are concerned about. (This goes for everyone! It's not Biblical to confront someone like that Matt. 18:15) If you see something that is questionable or could be something inappropriate but your aren't sure, save yourself some embarrassment from over-reacting. Keep in mind that you might not know the whole context and should probably give the person the benefit of the doubt before jumping to conclusions and publicly admonishing them. Be diligent and wise, but don't be intrusive and become the Facebook police. It's best to just have an agreement with a few close friends to watch out for one another as your teens learn Facebook, and unsubcribe to those you don't really know and don't find their posts appropriate.

ONE IMPORTANT THING TO KNOW: there is a setting so that no one can search your teen or send them a friend request without having a mutual friend first. This is SO IMPORTANT. There are “fake” pages out there that search out and send requests to (especially to teen boys) with a profile picture of a scantily-clad female, then say, “If you want to see more pictures of me, click this link” to either get them to a porn site, or for phishing. This can be avoided simply by getting your settings correct. This also protects you some from predators who might be trolling around on public pages, looking for young teens to "friend" and communicate with. I have a personal story on this issue - more on this tomorrow.

Have a great day!

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook - Part IV

So, last week we left-off talking about having a "training period" with your teens on Facebook. One of the most important things you can do is to teach them to avoid clicking on a link unless they are 100% sure it is legitimate.

There are spyware pictures and videos posted everyday on Facebook that have shocking headlines or comments to entice you to click on them. Once you do, the spammer now has access to your account and reposts the link to all your friends as you…and so it spreads. These links usually look suspicious and end with things like .cn or other two-letter endings.
Some of these malicious links that I have seen include a link that claims to have a video of Osama Bin Ladin being captured (see pic above), or a link to a video that says something like "You'll never believe what this dad saw on his daughter's Facebook" or "Such-and-Such celebrity caught on shocking video." There are also all the claims of free stuff if you click certain links. Another popular ploy you will see a lot is “you can see who looks at your Facebook page” or "Click here to find out who has deleted you." According to Facebook, this is impossible and there will never be an app that lets you circumvent their system to see who looks at your page, or who has deleted you, etc.

In short, if it sounds too good to be true, or if it seems too shocking, it’s probably a scam. Do not click on it and report it immediately to Facebook by hovering over the right corner of the post and when the arrow appears with the drop-down menu, click “report as spam.”

Once you click on these malicious links, the spammer now reposts the same link as YOU. This is important to know because this is how these bad links get perpetuated. Even my pastor-friend got hacked and had a pornographic picture posted with the comment "OMG! You'll never believe this video!". Clearly his friends knew it was a fraud and warned him to change his password immediately and we reported it to Facebook, but teens are pretty gullible and their curiosity will get the best of them if they don't know what they are dealing with. If you are going to help your teen navigate safely through Facebook, then you must help them understand the fraud that is out there, what the risks are, and how to avoid it and then report it.

Tomorrow we will discuss issues with friending and fraud that takes place there, too!
Hang in there, moms! I know this can be overwhelming, but your kids are worth it.

Blessings,

Kym

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook - Part III

Today's tip: If you decide to let your teen get on Facebook, it is advisable to have a "probationary/training period" with some extra limits to ensure they know how to us it properly before you just "set them free" on the site.


When my kids first got a Facebook account, we had a training period where they weren’t allowed to be on Facebook without me right there, to help them navigate their way and so I could show them what is safe and appropriate to do on Facebook and what they must avoid. (My husband doesn't "do" Facebook, so I had to do the training on this area - but get Dad involved if he is a Facebook user too!)

For example, I would sit next to them and show them that things in writing don’t always come across the way you want them to. To avoid misunderstandings, or hurt feelings, or misinterpretations, I had to teach them to think carefully about the words they choose and what they post, comment on, etc.. As we went through their Facebook page together, there were plenty of examples to use and we had some good discussions about how the things you post reflect who you are in a very public way.

Also, as they got more and more friends, and as a result had more posts to see on their newsfeeds, I had to teach them how to recognize the bad, spyware links, (more on that on my next post) and how to block or remove posts that they didn’t need to be getting, and who to “friend” and who to decline (more on that in a few days).

When they demonstrated good decision-making and trustworthiness and an ability to understand and use Facebook in a beneficial way, then they earned the privilege of getting on without me watching their every move, and the ability to post things, etc.. without asking me to check it first. (The good news is, they still run things by me if they aren’t sure!)

We have drilled into our kids' heads that they are representing Christ and our family when they make decisions away from us. This includes posting things on Facebook. It is easy for them to forget how public things are and that anyone can be reading their conversations. So we remind them not to say anything that they couldn’t say to their grandparents or pastor or on a stage in front of all their classmates - or don't post any picture that you wouldn't want the world to see - period. Believe me, this takes time to learn. Facebook is just another piece to a bigger puzzle that you are creating with your kids in understanding how to handle themselves with dignity and respect in life away from your watchful eye. In this day of technology - you have two options. You can forbid it all, and risk having your teen using it without guidance, or you can get intentional, learn about it, and train them to use it correctly.

True character is being who you say you are even when no one is looking. If they are authentic, this shouldn’t be a problem, but with the pressure of "being cool" and fitting in, etc..some teens might find it easy to blur the lines, which is why it important to continue to monitor them now and then, and have honest discussions.

By the way, there is a "delete post" option...and with teens and their impulsivity, you might want to get them familiar with it, because you will probably want to use it a time or two! In addition, access to Facebook can be a great privilege and motivator, so removing the privilege for misuse can be a useful tool in your training "toolbag."

Next post: Malicious/dangerous content on Facebook

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook - Part II

This is the second installment on a series of posts I am doing. If you missed yesterday's post, be sure to go down and read that one. Today I want to share with you what you need to know about privacy settings.

Privacy settings are super-important and must be checked regularly! As the parent, you do have control over who can see what on your teen’s wall. It's not about being over-controlling and suspicious. It's about being smart and doing your job to protect your kids and equip them to be smart when it comes to internet safety. My suggestion is to make everything “friends only.” I have been on Facebook since 2008 and they make changes and “updates” FREQUENTLY, and many times these changes affect your privacy settings. You can’t be too careful, so check them often.

Here is a link that details Facebook’s privacy settings for minors as of now: https://www.facebook.com/help/?page=214189648617074

To check your teen's privacy settings:

Click the arrow next to HOME in upper right corner and from the drop-down menu, go to privacy settings. First, you can set the overall default setting to "Friends". Then go down to “edit settings” next to “how you connect.” This is how my older teen’s page is set:

• Who can look up your profile by name or contact info? Friends of Friends
• Who can send you friend requests? Friends of Friends
• Who can send you Facebook messages? Friends
• Who can post on your Wall? Friends
• Who can see Wall posts by others on your profile? Friends of Friends

You have the option to make each one of these either: everyone, friends of friends, or just friends. I would suggest not having anything set to everyone for your teen, regardless of whether Facebook says minors are protected. As I said, things change. We will address these settings again in a future post, and I can not stress enough how important it it to get these correct!

On the topic of privacy, one of the prerequisites for my kids was that I have their passwords and can access their FB at anytime. I have heard that some teens are creating a decoy Facebook page for their family members to see, then secretly creating another page with an alias that they actually use. A friend told me she had a teen family member whom she searched for and found she had two pages, one with her real name and one with her middle name that her parents knew nothing about. You have to have another e-mail address to create another page. Beware of that! If you know your teen is on Facebook frequently, yet you see very few posts from their friends and nothing new being posted, you might check into that. Personally, if my child did that, there would be no more access to technology – but that’s just me! People that have nothing to hide, hide nothing. If your teen is hiding their Facebook page from you, there is probably a reason and it’s your job to find out!

Coming Monday: Training your teen to understand how to use Facebook appropriately and recognize fraud.

Have a blessed weekend and please share with your friends!

From One Mom to Another: A Few Things I've Learned To Keep Your Teens Safe On Facebook.

First let me say that I am no “expert” on Facebook. I am just a mom, like you. But if you and I were having coffee together and the topic of teens and Facebook came up, there are a few things that I have learned that I would share with you, because I know that you, like me, are an intentional mom and would want to be smart when it comes to your kids and their well-being. As I wrote out my list, I realized I had A LOT to say - too much for one post. So I will be posting one point a day for the next couple of weeks. Obviously, this series of posts is not going to be a comprehensive list of everything a wise mom needs to know about Facebook, but just the things that stand out to me as very important. Also, Facebook is an ever-changing place, so if you’re reading this anytime after November, 2011, the detailed information may not even be accurate anymore, but some will still be helpful. My hope is that you will “share” these posts and pass them along to every mom you know, so that we can all keep our sweet kiddos safe and help them navigate through the murky waters of social media.

So here we go!

1. Facebook might be great for some teens, but could be very unhealthy for some others. Although it seems to be a reality we need to accept, you can say no to Facebook and be perfectly fine, but be prepared for a battle. If your teen wants to be on Facebook, my suggestion is you really get to know it and know your teen and decide if it is something that will help them or hinder them. For example, for some teens it can be a great way to build community and friendships with people they don’t see as often, like the people in their youth group at church, for example. For social teens and those that are mature and have good friendships, it can be an enhancement for them. However, if your teen is likely to suffer with feelings of insecurity and being left-out, you might think twice about Facebook, or at the very least have a discussion about the negative side of being on Facebook. That is; they will find out about parties, sleepovers, and get-togethers that they were not invited to. For some teens, this is no big deal, but for others it can lead to depression and insecurity. Another important thing to discuss is that people portray the best, most exciting parts of their life on Facebook. If your teen begins to compare their “real” life to the seemingly “amazing” life portrayed on FB by their friends, it can seem as though their life is boring in comparison, which can cause some teens to become depressed. Doctors are now identifying what they call “Facebook Depression” in teens, so just be aware of it. You can read more about that here:

www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42298789/ns/health-mental_health/t/docs-warn-about-teens-facebook-depression/#.TsZpqlb4J8s

Talk with your teen about why they want to be on Facebook and what their intentions are with it. An honest, open discussion about it can really help you decide if it is a good choice for your teen now, or if it is something that should be delayed a bit.

Next post: What you should know about your teen's privacy settings.

Stay tuned!

Belts, Binders & More

"Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.” ~Mathew25:40

Each year, Legacy Moms families reach out to our community and provide Christmas gift and basic needs for needy children and their families in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex. This year for our annual Christmas outreach, Legacy Moms will be serving the families at Travis Middle School in Irving, Texas, and we have several ways you can participate with us! Many of the kids attending TMS are in such severe poverty that they are having to wash their school uniforms at school and many of the kids go without lunch, and for some kids, school lunch is the only meal they will get that day. The vice-principal of this school has asked for us to help. Please pray about helping in one of the following ways:

1. The biggest need is for Legacy Moms families and their friends, small groups, etc., to “adopt” a family to provide Christmas presents for them. There are families of all sizes available and it is great if several families want to go together to take care of a family. The needs would be something like school shoes, clothes, and maybe a fun toy for each child and a grocery card or paying the utility bill for the family would be great if you would like to bless the parents as well!

If you would like to adopt a family, please e-mail Brooke Andrews at Brooke@ashleytayloragency.com or Jessica Gaudin at jessicagaudin@yahoo.com and let them know you are interested as soon as possible.
Families will be available to choose from by November 11 and you can begin shopping! Then, on December 17th at 9:30 am, we will participate in a Christmas Family Celebration in the school’s cafeteria, where you will be able to meet your family, have breakfast, and bless them with your gifts. What a great way to show your kids what being the hands and feet of Christ really looks like and serving the needy together as a family!

2. Belts and Binders!! These kids are in desperate need of 3-ring binders for school and belts to wear with their uniforms per school rules. Belts for size 38+ are especially needed. Belts and binders can be new or used. Please bring your donations of belts and binders to our November Legacy Moms meeting.

3. Donate any spare change you may have sitting in a jar somewhere. This money can go toward a “lunch fund” at the school for kids who aren’t able to eat that day. You can bring your spare change containers to Legacy Moms in November. This is a great way to get your kids involved- let them see how much spare change they can collect!

We will also need volunteers on Dec. 17 to help set up at the school cafeteria (1600 Finely Rd in Irving). If you would like to help with that as well, please e-mail Brooke or Jessica above.

Thanks for being a part of our Christmas outreach! We look forward to seeing God move in the lives of the children as a result of your love and generosity. Don’t forget to bring your belts, binders, and change to Legacy Moms in November! We’ll see you there!

God Bless,

Kym

Passing it On

I think most parents would agree that we want to pass on good things to our kids because we love them, and we hope in our heart-of-hearts that we aren't passing on too many of our "bad traits" to them. Most Christian parents I know would say they really want to leave a godly legacy to their children, but in the day-to-day grind, we sometimes lose sight of our real purpose as parents and we get lost in the details. Sometimes we just need a kick-in-pants to re-focus on our purpose and be reminded that our purpose as Christian parents is to leave a biblical legacy.
God gives a mandate in scripture to parents. He tells us that our job is to teach our children about Him.
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (New Living Translation)
“ …you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

It is our job as parents to teach our children about the Lord and how to live in obedience to His word. You may be thinking, "But I send my child to Sunday School, and a Christian School, and VBS, and he/she is learning it from people who are trained to that sort of thing. Why should I have to do it?" The answer is simple: because as parents, we are the biggest influencers in our child’s life.

In Exodus 20:6, God tells Moses:
“I lavish my love on those who love me and obey my commands, even for a thousand generations.”

What we do now matters – it impacts future generations. The fact is: You WILL pass on something…the question is, what are you passing on?

Everything we need to know about passing on a Godly legacy to our children in found in scripture. The Bible is as valid for us now as it was for all the generations of parents before us.

So, there’s good news and bad news:
The good news is: You have tremendous power to shape your child’s life
The bad news is: You have tremendous power to shape your child’s life!

When we as parents really understand that the choices we make today affect the way our children remember their childhoods, that those decisions mold who they are and how they see life, that’s when we get serious about making changes that create a godly legacy. That's when we bring some balance to our decisions and become intentional as parents. Children thrive best in an atmosphere of genuine love and affection, supported by reasonable, consistent discipline and boundaries.

In this day and time, with so much trying to win the hearts and minds of our children, we can’t just rely on hope or luck to raise "good" kids that might someday live a godly life. We must be intentional and make a CHOICE to parent according to God’s Word and make it a priority to INFUSE that into every choice we make.

Legacies are built one day at a time. What can you do today to get your family back on track? Read the Bible together, pray together, and learn to filter everything through the truth of God's word.

Have a blessed day!

Kym

Obstacles to Mouth Peace

At our last event, we talked extensively about how we communicate with the people around us and how it can set them (and us) in the right or wrong directions based on what we say and how we say it. I quickly went through a list of common trouble-spots for women and asked you to evaluate which ones are your biggest problems so that you can get to the source of it and get it under control. As promised, here is that list in writing so you can really take it in:


Gossip: Do you enjoy hearing and repeating the latest news or rumors you hear about others?
Slander: Do you use your words to cast someone in a negative light?
Nagging: Do you repeat yourself over and over to get what you want?
Meddling: Do you get in the middle of other people’s issues, or try to be a go-between a lot?
Bragging: Do you seek attention by pointing out yourself to be greater than you actually are?
Lying: Do you leave out facts and/or misrepresent facts?
Embellishes: Do you make things seem dramatic, more exciting, or more horrible than they actual are?
Argumentative: Do you feel the need to have the last word and prove yourself to be right?
Anger: Do you have a bad-temper or get defensive easily?
Talking Too Much: Do you monopolize conversations, interrupt, and give your opinion frequently?
Withholding Reconciliation: Are you slow to forgive or admit you are wrong?
Disloyalty: Do you betray confidences or repeat things that should be private? When you are hurt, do you feel the need to share it with someone else instead of the offender?
Critical Spirit: Do you easily find faults and focus on people’s shortcomings?
Complaining: Do you whine and go on and on about your circumstances or let people know when you are inconvenienced or busy or tired? Is your first instinct to tell people all the things that are wrong in your life?
Wrong assumptions: Do you analyze and assume the worst about people’s motives and intentions? Do you accuse others of having motives that are bad? Are you suspicious of others, in general?
Record-keeper: Do you make list of other’s wrongs and bring them up as evidence to hurt them?
Sarcasm: Do you mock others and/or use humor to put others down or put them in their place?
Harsh words: Do you speak before you think? Do you use your words to hurt others?
Flatterer: Do you compliment others to your advantage? Do you use flattery to manipulate?
Potty Mouth: Do you use swear words around certain people just to make a point? Do you use the latest phrases or words even when they are generally considered not curse words, but are still unwholesome?
One-sided conversationalist: Do you fail to really listen to others? Do you start jumping to conclusions about what they are going to say before you are sure you have really heard and understood what they said? Do you spend the time while others talk thinking about what you are going to say next?

James 3:2 tells us that when it comes to our mouths, no person is perfect and we all stumble in many ways. Looking at the list above, that is obvious!
We all start to get off-track from time to time, and it happens so subtly that we don’t usually notice until we are having big problems. A true Legacy Moms realizes that it is good to asses ourselves from time to time and make adjustments before we run our family off into the ditch with our mouths. When we find mouth peace, we then can be God's mouthpiece and share hope, love and truth with our mouths and be a breath of fresh air in the lives of our loved ones and those we are building relationships with. If you were at the event, I'd love your feedback and how our discussion impacted you or what meant the most to you!

Have a blessed day!

5 Parenting Mistakes that Create Entitled, Self-Absorbed Kids

1. Bribing for desired behavior. Take a trip to your local grocery store and you'll probably see at least one mom pleading with her child to behave, and it usually ends up with the mom telling the child that if she will be "good" she can have some candy. I'm all for rewarding our children when they succeed at something, but when we set up a system where there is no real standards for obedience, self-control, respect, etc. and then we use bribes to get the desired results when we are desperate, we have essentially trained our child to act like a brat and expect something in return if they don't.

2. Giving your child too many options. Be honest, sometimes we give our child a choice simply to avoid the conflict that will ensue when we don't. But this is a dead-end road. I'll never forget the day we announced to our three children that we were eating out and they all piped-in with which restaurant they wanted to eat at. Really? When I was growing up we were just happy to get to eat at a restaurant every now and then. When we constantly ask our children "Do you want this one or this one? Do you want to watch a movie or play outside? Do you want to go now or later?", we are teaching them that what they want is the most important thing, regardless of other people's comfort, convenience or preferences.


3. Giving gifts to the non-birthday child at a sibling's birthday. This one really confuses me. I'm not sure when this trend started, but I guess in order to make things "fair", parents have started this practice and requesting that others do this for their children as well. Children need to learn that life is not always fair. But more importantly, they need to learn that the world does not revolve around them and that there are days where we celebrate someone else and make them feel special. Believe me, this will lead to sibling problems BIG TIME if you are doing this. Let the birthday child have their own special day in the limelight, and teach your children to be happy for the person being celebrated instead of jealous that they aren't getting presents, too. This will also teach them the art of delayed gratification. More on that in #5.


4. Underestimating what your child is capable of. If you consistently do tasks for your child that they are physically and developmentally capable of doing, you are handicapping your child's ability to be an independent, productive person. Chores are good for kids, and they need to do them because they are a member of the family, not just so they can get paid for them. Children as young as 2 can start learning how to clean up toys, put plastic cups in low cupboard, etc. Teach your children life skills as they become able to do them, and then LET THEM do it. When a child says "I can't", they are usually meaning "I won't".

5. Giving in to immediate gratification. As parents, we sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that if our child wants something, and we have the means to do it for them, that we should. One of the best lessons you can teach your child is to wait for something, and work toward it. If you give into your child's every whim, they will learn to expect that when they want something, they are not capable of waiting, and they will struggle with patience and self-control their whole life.

Entitled, self-absorbed people don't make good spouses, they don't make good employees, and they don't make good citizens. They also don't make good parents, either. Remember you are raising the people that will raise your grand-children!

Many Blessings,

Kym

The Masquerade

Many times when I speak to women, I say that women are sometimes still that 7th grade girl inside who just wants to fit-in and be accepted. Let’s face it, most women are pleasers and desperately want to connect in some way with other women.

Recently I was doing a little mother-daughter Bible study time with my daughter (who, by the way, is now a 7th grader). We were talking about the temptation for young girls to masquerade as someone else in order to fit-in and be liked. She confessed to me that even she has been guilty of putting on a mask (Gasp! Shocker! ). She described times where she has been with a group of older girls that are talking about “such-and-such” TV show, or some popular singer that they like, and although she has never seen it, or heard of it, she pretends to know what they are talking about so she can be a part of the group and seem cool like them.

Sounds familiar, right? Haven’t we all been there at some point? We put on our mask, our “public persona” and go through life pretending that we have it all together, that we are little happier, a little cooler, than we actually are. The reason 7th graders do this is the same reason we might do it as grown women: because we are afraid of rejection. We are afraid that if people know who we really are, if people know the truth of our situation, or know that we aren’t quite as “with-it” as we pretend to be, they won’t like us. The truth is: if a girl goes through life masquerading as someone else, then she will be left feeling empty and unaccepted anyway because no one has gotten to know the real person and therefore doesn’t really accept and love her for who she really is.

It’s important that we talk frankly about this stuff with our daughters. It’s also important that we be frank with ourselves. If you are masquerading, ask yourself why. When we find our identity in Christ, and trust His plan for our life, then we are free to be real. We are free to be transparent with our struggles, our weaknesses, and just free to love ourselves enough to risk rejection, but also risk being loved for whom we really are.

That’s one of the purposes of Legacy Moms. Motherhood can be both rewarding and challenging for many women and moms need a place to be open,real, and loved for who they are. Women also need other women in their life that love them enough to speak the truth to them, even when it challenges them, or to give them encouragement through a rough time, so that they can reach their full, God-given potential as mothers, wives, and friends. So whether you are still wearing your fancy party-mask, or if you haven’t worn a stitch of make-up since your last child was born- will you join us? We need each other! Another great year of Legacy Moms events starts the last Monday in September.

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” `Proverbs 27:17

Blessings,

Kym

Generational Sin

I saw a news story today about the son of one of my high school coaches who has gotten in trouble for some of the same things his dad had been accused of many years ago. I was reminded of how God put boundaries and rules of acceptable behavior in our lives to protect us. Following God's word protects us from ourselves, and protects those we love from being unwilling sufferers in the poor choices we make.
Unfortunately, many people disregard truth and choose to tear down those boundaries and get involved in sin and disobedience to God's word and leave a legacy to their children (and others that they influence) to follow them down that same, well-worn path to sin. Each generation then continues the same patterns. But each generation has a choice to follow the footsteps that lead to rebellion and the same pain they witnessed in their life, or to rebuild the wall and stay within God's boundaries. We're going to leave a legacy, the choice is ours which one we choose to leave. We are wise when we recognize generational sin that may be present in our own families and take extra precautions in those areas. The evil one just isn't that creative. If your parents or grandparents struggled in an area, you will probably be tested there too. But if you are in Christ, you have the power of the Holy Spirit in you and you can overcome even the biggest temptations. You can be the one to change the legacy in your family and stop the pattern.

Galatians 6:7

Blessings!

Kym

What's Within You?

Last night we were doing a family bedtime devotional with the kids and somehow got on the topic of how you can use what God has given you to serve Him. Our 8-year-old suddenly blurts out, “I know EXACTLY what I am going to do when I grow up!” “Really?” we ask. “Yes,” he says, “I am going to become a builder so that I can go to Jerusalem and rebuild the temple! Because God says the temple will be rebuilt and I can do that!”
Wow! Big dreams from such a little guy. It reminded me of these verses:

Isaiah 6:8 NIV
“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Nehemiah 2:5 NIV
“and I answered the king, “If it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in his sight, let him send me to the city in Judah where my ancestors are buried so that I can rebuild it.”

Do I think my little guy is a modern-day Nehemiah, being called to rebuild the temple? Probably not. But I do know that my God is capable to fulfill His purposes any way He sees fit. I also know (from personal experience) that He is not looking for the most talented, the most skilled, or the most famous person to do His work. He’s looking for hearts that are totally submitted to Him and willing to do what He calls. Hearts that say “Send me.”
One of my greatest desires in my ministry is to see women find their great purpose in life and live the life God truly intended for them. That becomes part of our legacy because living a life of Kingdom purpose is CONTAGIOUS and our kids can’t help but pick it up.

Eph 3:20 NLT

“Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.”

Have you ever felt like there is something great inside you, something that you would never ever dare to ask God for or even hope that it could happen? What keeps you from fulfilling the great purpose that God has for you? Fear? Laziness? Insecurity? Have you lost yourself in feelings of being unimportant, unimpressive or just plain invisible? Have you convinced yourself that where you are right now is not part of your great purpose…or that your current situation is somehow keeping you from that dream, instead of embracing it? Believe me, I NEVER would have imagined that God would have called me to write for, speak to and teach women. If He can use me in that purpose, He can use ANYONE for anything! Not only could I have convinced myself that I was completely ill-equipped for such a task, but I have had a host of really good excuses to try to get out of doing it.
Have you ever considered that God has you exactly where He wants you – right now - so that you CAN discover your great purpose? He wants you to find whatever is “within you” and use it for His glory, today!
So go for it! Dream big! Take that first step toward finding out what God wants to accomplish through you. Brick by brick, you might find that it’s not as difficult as you thought, because His power within you can make it happen.
The question is, are you willing to say, “Here I am Lord, send me?”

It might not be rebuilding the temple, but it might be rebuilding a Godly heritage for your family by creating a legacy for your children that is beyond what you thought you were able to do. And that is something great, indeed.

Blessings to you!

Hello, I'm Distracted

As moms, we wake up each day and put on a name tag. No, not an actual, visible name tag, and most people may not even notice the name tag we are wearing. But our kids read the name tag loud and clear the minute they see your face. They see by our expressions, the way we listen (or don't listen) and they see it in our attitudes. They see when we are wearing the "Worried" name tag, the "Too Busy" name tag, and the "Quick to Speak, Slow to Listen" one. They know when mom makes a habit of wearing the "Not Now" name tag and when she never takes off the "Unhappy" one.

There are times when each of us will wear these name tags from time-to-time, and for legitimate reasons. In the interest of full disclosure, I've found myself in a very busy season and have several challenges and issues vying for my attention and I have been wearing the "Distracted" name tag a bit too frequently these days. I guess that's why I felt compelled to write this.

However justified we may feel in wearing our inner struggles on our faces, we must be aware how our name tags affect our ability to create a meaningful, trusting relationship with our kids. If we want our kids to tell us the truth, share their lives, and open their hearts to us, we need to make sure that we put on name tags that say "I'm Here", "Patient", "A Soft Place to Fall", "Trustworthy" and "You Matter".

Proverbs 15:13 says, "A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit."

Our heartache can sometimes spill out and crush the spirit of the little lives we are trying to mold also, and a simple change of our heart and face can make a huge difference.

So today, try responding to your children with a big smile and focused attention and eye-contact, even if you are deep in thought and they are coming to tell you a detailed description of the level they just completed on their favorite video game....for the fourth time. The connection you make will be much more valuable than the one minute of time it took to give your child your undivided attention, and your smile and approval will make their day.

Who knows, you might even find yourself wearing a "Greatest Mom in the World" name tag, even if no one sees it but you. You'll know you are wearing it when you see the look of contentment and love on your child's face.

Blessings,

Kym